Adoption - Not for the faint of heart

Today was our gotcha day. This means that we officially became a family of 4. The process involves meeting at the civil affairs office, meeting your child and having photos taken for legal documents. Because we are not staying at the hotel designated by our agency, we had to take a cab ride to the civil affairs office. A cab ride in China rivals ANY thrill ride you have ever been on. I don't even know how to describe it except to say that comparatively, a cab ride in Cancun is like a Sunday stroll. Seriously, it is a miracle that no one died.

After a bit of confusion about the location we finally found our way. Funny thing about China - if you're lost, you are really lost. It's not just that the signs are in Chinese, it's that they don't even use the same alphabet. Trying to compare the address on my sticky note to addresses on buildings wasn't even an option. So anyway, we eventually got there.

Here's what I have to say about the experience. We agreed with Amanda, who runs this amazing foster home, that it would be so great for us to get to know Rita gradually in her home environment. This is an opportunity that not many people ever get. A traditional Chinese adoption is more of a "snatch and grab" where the child is removed from her caretaker, taken away on a bus, then given to the new parents. Parents understand that the child may go through some mourning or attachment issues but they have very little, if any, information about the child's previous environment. We are staying on the first floor of an apartment building that also houses the foster home is on the 5th floor, so we are very close. Even though we were not to see Rita prior to the adoption, we did experience the environment and met many of the other children. All of the children were very affectionate at wanting of our attention. They are all very special and very beautiful, but our hearts belong to Rita.

The meeting was smooth, especially because we already have a good relationship with Amanda. We really like her and appreciate what she is doing for us. She and Rita (known here as "Emily") have a very special bond. She was with Rita in Shanghai for 44 days during her surgery and recovery. They are very close and Rita obviously loves Amanda a lot. I am grateful for that and so happy that my child had been in a loving environment for the past 18 months.

We met, made faces at her, fed her M & M's (which she loves!), tickled her and gave her kisses. But Amanda was holding her the entire time. We took a bus to the photo place and Amanda was holder her. Amanda held her while she got her passport photo taken. The only time we held her was for our family photo, and she screamed the entire time. (as did Lucy on her adoption day.) Then we all went to Baskin Robins for ice cream to celebrate. Rita enjoyed the chocolate ice cream while sitting on Amanda's lap.

Let me add that there was another family from our agency who as also meeting their 2 year old girl for the first time. She screamed and cried through the whole thing. It was the most heart-breaking cry. My heart was bleeding for that couple. But at least they were holding their baby.

When we got back to the foster home we spent more time getting to know her. She is absolutely amazing and beautiful and funny and we love her already. She has shown signs of warming up to us, but whenever either of us try to hold her she screams for Amanda, then goes back to Amanda. Tonight is our first night as a family. The three of us are sleeping in our apartment and Rita is sleeping upstairs in the foster home.

I believe we are doing the right thing for her, and I am grateful to Amanda for how much she really cares our little girl's heart. But right now my heart feels so broken. It's the same way I felt when Lucy completely rejected me. But at least Lucy was attached to Chris. It is the hardest thing to finally meet your child, then watch them continually reject you and turn to someone else. It makes it even harder to accept when all the other children in the foster home want you to hold them, but your own daughter runs away from you. Again, I know it will all be great in the end. It's just really hard right now. I just realized that today was our "gotcha day" and there is not one single photo of Me, Chris and Rita all together. (except the legal photo where she is screaming her head off.)

I do want to say that there were some really fun moments at Baskin Robins where Rita got off of Amanda's lap and went to play with Lucy and Chris. The two girls were absolutely adorable together. I think they are going to be great friends. (Lucy said to me today "She doesn't like you Mom. She likes me better." Ouch)

And one other interesting thing - the description that we were given of her personality indicated a quiet, content, gentle personality. Not hardly!! This little girl is definitely strong-willed and outspoken! Amanda laughed when I told her how Rita was described. We both agreed that the description must have been written by someone who has never met her! So, now I have two beautiful, strong-willed, outgoing Asian girls. Oh boy!! I don't think that Rita will have the flair for the dramatic that Lucy has, but she seems to be very confident. Amanda thinks she will be athletic. I can definitely see that.

I am heading to bed. Trying to make a 2-year-old love you is completely exhausting. I will get up and try again tomorrow.

Rita enjoying chocolate ice cream

Lucy, Amanda, Rita, Teresa and a lady from the orphanage

Lucy & Rita at the civil affairs office

The girls going for a ride with BaBa

Bye Bye bows!